An Honest Apology
Image courtesy of Microsoft
The other day, I read an article, “Your ‘Funnel’ Is Ruining Your Writing” by Steven Toews, JD, MBA, whom I follow on Medium, and whose content I find helpful and often thought-provoking.
In truth, I’ve been poorly disciplined as a writer, and the distinguished Mr. Toews, Esq., inadvertently jolted me back to reality. I realized that I had been hiding from something that gave me freedom, but at the same time required obligation and responsibility. In short, writing.
In the book, “Leadership and Self-Deception”, by the Arbinger Institute, the concept of Choice and Self-Betrayal is discussed. The thought is that when we are faced with choices, we have the opportunity to honor the correct choice or betray ourselves by making a choice we know not to be the best or correct choice. In making the former, we bolster our self-esteem and start to consider others and think outward. In making the latter, we betray ourselves.
There are numerous reasons we make choices that cause us to betray ourselves. But, as I’ve come to understand it on a personal level, it’s either laziness, or self-serving, which are actually closely related. For example, a recent Yahoo Finance article about Gen-X folks being significantly underfunded for retirement — which for that stratum of the population is 10–15 years out — have mostly betrayed themselves by sacrificing a solid retirement for greater enjoyment in the here and now. I realize of course, this is a generalization, but the data suggest self-betrayal, as their credit card, and other forms of debt, are high as well.
I use this only as an example to help readers understand how we betray ourselves by our choices. My betrayal is to my reading audience. Although small on Medium (thank you followers — you know who you are ;-) ), I have a significant following on LinkedIn (if you find value in doing so, please feel free to send me an invitation to connect), I had promised a bi-weekly newsletter (without advertising or promotions), got excited about it and started publishing weekly, got burned out due to other commitments and let a week go by without producing anything. My first betrayal to myself. Then a second week. My second betrayal. Then for several more weeks and corresponding betrayals.
The interesting thing about these betrayals, is that we begin to justify our choices, in a manner that makes them our new truth (we are now in the box, in the parlance of Leadership and Self-Deception, the subtitle of which is “Getting Out of the Box.” But in doing so, we also adopt a victim mentality about these betrayals. This is part of the justification process.
My first justification: I’m too tired, came in May this year while attending a conference. At this particular conference I have a fairly significant role due to the fact that I nominate a plethora of speakers, any of which if selected, I become responsible for in one capacity or another at the conference. This affords me little time. A simple solution would have been to ratchet back my writing to the originally promised bi-weekly pace, with an explanation to my audience(s). Another solution would have been to write more from an anecdotal standpoint than more than a research-based focus. Another solution, to write shorter articles during the time crunch that generated the fatigue. A fourth to write several articles weeks in advance and then time when they drop for the future. Or any combination or all of these would have worked well.
But alas, I did nothing. So left to me was to claim myself a victim of the circumstances I found myself in, which brings me to a second point of order.
Recently, I had simultaneously, three different sinus procedures and a throat procedure. A painful proposition at best. My modus operandi when I don’t feel well is
Hunker down and commiserate for the duration of the healing process. I’m a bad patient to any caregiver and a bit of a bear. In those times of healing, I perceive the most genuine overtures from any caregiver, and particularly, my lovely wife with enduring patience, a poke. As we all know it is best not to poke the bear.
And so, I commiserate in my recovery and lean on comfort food. Not of the making of anyone that is not trained in food safety. And from establishments known to offer the most horrendous of wages offered the non-skilled echelon of workers.
Item (2) above goes back to item (1), ensuring that I am not bothered.
I thought I would minimize any time in between my online order and actually eating my fast-food booty. My lovely wife (now said twice in hopes that forgiveness may be bestowed on me), offered to drive 3.4 miles to get what I so earnestly yearned for to sate my sick self. Upon her arrival she texted me the number of the pick-up — pick-up as in order, not as in truck, which she was driving — spot and I could tell the app she was there. After waiting an inordinately long time, she texted me stating she had been sitting spot number 5 for 25 minutes (which begs a question, the answer to which may be another article). She mentioned also that it was not terribly busy at the drive-thru or walk-in entrance. I suggexted (my new word mash) she go in and see what was up. The person at the counter said they had not seen the waiting notification, looked it up on the computer, verified it was there and had been so for 25 minutes. No apology was made, but a couple of excuses given (self-betrayal and victimization behind the counter?) The order was promised tout-suite. Yet another nearly 15 minutes went by before the order was produced, accompanied by more self-betrayal, excuses and victimization. I was finally able to sink my teeth into an order that for all intents and purposes, was only vaguely similar to what I had requested online, after the food was tossed, in its professed recycled brown bag, much like a zookeeper might toss a hunk of meat and quickly closed the security partition, to what? An angry bear.
Knowing the sequence of events that occurred up to that point, I sat down and began reading, a thing I do when it makes sense. And what should I be reading, Mr. Toews’, Esq. aforementioned article. My plight with the fast (comfort, remember) food, was being (albeit unwittingly) laid before my eyes and I saw the parallel between the behaviors of the (largest) fast food joint (in the world). Not naming names here.
Through my own self-betrayal, I had made excuses and victimized myself to my readers (customers) as had the person behind the counter preparing my (golden) french fries and two xxdouble burgers. (Still not naming names.)
And this leads me to the importance of understanding the box. Once you understand you are in it, you give yourself the opportunity to make yet another choice. To honor yourself and make the right choice to get out of it, or to betray yourself and further cement the mentality of victimization, i.e., to stay in the box.
So here goes…
To my readers…
All 12 of you on Medium and the thousands on LinkedIn…
I’m sorry. Genuinely.
Not in the forced and insincere apology of “Bug” from the trunk of a car in the film, “Uncle Buck.” Rather, an honest apology to those who may have come to look forward to what I have to say, and perhaps wonder where I’ve been.
Again, I’m sorry, and will work to improve my productivity such that I do not place myself in the position of facing a choice that could easily lead to self-betrayal.
I very much appreciate you and the time you have taken to read this article. You can find more articles like this from me at https://www.legup.solutions/blog.
If you have thoughts on this or other topics regarding yours or your organization’s journey of excellence, feel free to continue the conversation on my Secret Sauce slack feed.
Originally published at https://www.legup.solutions on 23 JUL 2024